He Made It!!!!

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Yep, Moomoo made it.  Last ever Year 7’s in Primary School in Queensland.  He made history.  There’s been some great teachers (ie very very patient),  he’s made some great friends and he has come out fairly unscathed….. well I think.  Today’s ceremony got me thinking about my fond memories from Primary school…….(High School memories are for another post…….)

Like the school dentist.  And the fear in the kid’s eyes when their name got called up to go to the butcher dentist.  And walking to school in the rain and then having wet cold feet all day.  And of moving schools and not just to the next town, to the whole new country and being the new kids and doing remedial classes and making new friends.  And that time my friend Ginny and I got the ball for the boys out of the drain by lifting the steel grate up and then dropping that steel grate on my toe and a teacher carrying me to the office and sticking cotton wool straight on to the blood dripping gaping wound! Seriously! How much do you reckon that stuck!!! To this day my toe nail is manky!  And that time that I fell off the monkey bars into a puddle of water and I had to get my brother out of his swimming class to walk me home to change clothes cause it looked like I crapped myself.  And of moving schools again and having a monumental melt down in front of the class – oh man, that was up there as one of the finest moment’s of my life…………but seriously, along the way, I remember the teachers that stood out to me.  That taught me, nurtured me, helped me and guided me.  The teachers that help shape young minds and still like doing it (cause trust me, ain’t no job I’d want!).  It is the teachers that you remember most fondly at the end of the day.

So I hope that my Moomoo did have a great Primary School experience and no doubt one day, I will actually get to hear about it.  So, enjoy some photos for now….

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The Most Stressful Time of Day Is…….

I came across this gem and finally, a study I can relate to – it’s like they are at my house every morning….

Most stressful time of the day

A study revealed by Allianz Insurance has found that parents’ stress levels are 30% higher as they get ready for the school run and peak at 8.15am.

The British study looked at the levels of cortisol that is the stress hormone in parents during the morning peak.

The study reported by The Daily Mail showed that for many the school run could dictate their mood for the rest f the day.

30 % said the school run could ‘mess up timings for the rest of the day’.

1 in 4 said it ‘sets their mood for the rest of the day – good or bad’.

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So there you have it, mornings suck – like really suck some days.

Just like I said in a post from a couple of years ago and guess how much has changed…….sweet fek all!  Enjoy!

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So we’re up and out of bed now, one in the shower, one getting breakfast, lunches getting made, cat fed, dog fed, COFFEE NOW!!!! Load of washing in, load of washing out, shirts ironed on and on it goes.

And then it’s time for the morning chant:

Have you had breakfast / Yes

Have you cleaned your teeth / Yes / Show me / :) / Do them again / Why / Because they’re not done properly / Why do we need to do them / So your breath doesn’t smell like bum

Have you got deodorant on / I don’t need it/ Yes you do / Why / Well you don’t want to be the stinky kid in class right – out some on now!

Have you packed your lunch / Yes / Have you packed your bag / Yes / Why is your homework book still on the table / I forgot to pack it / How about you do that now / Righto geez Mum I can only do one thing at a time!

Mum – where’s my hat / Don’t know mate I don’t wear it / Well can you help me look for it / Where did you leave it / Dunno / Well you better remember / Well it’s not my fault I can’t remember where I put it! / Breathe, just breathe….

Right, car let’s go now!

Kids in, music up, road rage to a minimum and off we go. Alright we made it. Kisses, love you’s, have a great day, see you this afternoon xxxxxxx Now breathe, just breathe.

If I’ve had a particularly insane morning, I like to look at the faces of the other parents at school. I can tell their morning has been as good as mine by the plastered on smile and white knuckles on the steering wheel. I swear I can even see them breathe sighs of relief as they drop their darlings off.

So starts the day, and now it’s off to work……………

 

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Halloween is Un Australian -Re Post Time!

http://wp.me/p2tuId-mP

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It Gets Better……Sure Thing……

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You know that old chestnut – It Gets Better…..and when someone says it to you, you either want to poke them in the eye with a stick or cry?  Well, look, it does get better…..and then worse……and then better….and then worse….see that’s it folks, it’s life.  As far as I can figure, it’s a roller coaster – a really weird, emotional, crazy roller coaster.    For all the ups, there’s the downs.  Examples:

Baby sleeps through the night.  You can’t sleep because you’re waiting for baby to wake.

Baby says first word.  It’s usually Dad.

Baby eats solids.  Orange stains, every piece of clothing will have an orange stain.  (Much like carrots in vommies – don’t know when you ate them but they always show up).

Baby no longer needs nappies.  Stained mattresses and skid marks – that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Baby stands and walks.  Move everything in sight off the floor.  Everything!

Toddler says good bye at day care, no tears, no fuss.  You sit in the car and cry.

Kid starts school.  You realize your baby is growing up.  You sit in the car and cry.

The siblings get on really well.  The siblings want to kill each other.

You watch the progression of kids drawings.  Boys draw cock and balls.  And bums. And Super ‘S’s. And bums.

Conversations with the kids are enjoyable.  Questions about sex and drugs and sex and sex – awkward……..

Puberty – nothing bloody good so far.

So there you go.  That’s just a little run down of some observations I have made so far.

So when you’re sleep deprived and hormonal and angry and feel like you are going to lose your shit, understand that thing’s do get easier until the next challenge arises and then it will get easier and then the next challenge will arise so strap in man, and enjoy the ride – or start drinking….lots of drinking…..and shots… shots are good……

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Wedding Speeches

In real life, I’m a Wedding and Events Manager – fancy smanshy title for your Wedding Coordinator.  In my times, I have seen some crackers and some shockers.  I have heard some great speeches and I have heard some cringe worthy moments for example:

1:

ING.  SomethING, NothING, see the ING sound?  PING, DING, BLING.  More examples of ING sound.  INK – PINK, LINK, CLINK These words use the INK sound.  SomethINK is not a word.  NothINK is not a word.  ING – Put an ‘R’ in front of it and it say RING.  I can guarantee Beyonce didn’t say put a RINK on it.

2:

ewe
juː/
noun – a femail sheep
plural noun: ewes
Talking about female sheep, one would USE the word EWES.  When standing at the podium, addressing the crowd, one should not, never ever USE the word EWES.  Example:
“I would like to thanks EWES all for coming’.  I can see the confusion here as I believe that the actual word they are after is YOUSE.  I do understand the confusion here and it is so commonly USED that it even pops up in the Urban Dictionary -
YOUSE
(Australian) Of Bogan origins.
Plural of You. Referring to a more that one person. The pinnacle of ignorant grammar.

Non-bogans think this term is hilarious, especially when used by a bogan or by another non-bogan imitating a bogan.

Bogans can’t spell this word, known variations are: Yous, You’s (the reason for apostrophe usage is yet to be discovered depite teams of scholars devoting their efforts)

“what’re youse guys doin’ youse wanna get some beers of somethink?”
See, I’m sure that is the word they were after.
3:
If you are the Best Man or Groomsman starting out the speech with, ‘Well I didn’t really like her when I met her but I do now’ aint gonna win you any friends and I can guarantee that when those Rumbos kick in, someone is gonna say something about that speech dude.  Look, we know you’re still living in the whole ‘Bro’s before ho’s’ thing but dude – you’re at his wedding, pretty sure he didn’t pick the Bro…. just saying.
4:
If you are the Matron of Honour or Bridesmaid  – See above!
5:
Following on from above, it is really not necessary to point out the conquests and the ‘fun times’ the Bride or Groom had.  Really, you ain’t fooling anyone by pointing this out as it really only points out your insecurities.  Common, just common.
6:
Don’t do the following:  The Drunk Speech or The ‘Wishing It Was Me’ Speech, the How many Times Can I Swear Speech – Common, just common.
7:
If you got your speech off the internet, chances are we’ve heard it before.  I know, you took so much time trolling the internet for the funny ones and although it’s on the internet, in your head no-one would have used it…….Ah, it’s the internet – really?
So from my fancy smanshy position, these are some of the crimes against Wedding speeches that I have heard, sometimes repeatedly and I am in no doubt that I will hear them again…….
And here’s a little post I did a while ago…
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I came across this article….

http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/i-almost-screwed-up-my-wedding/

it gave me a good giggle.  Being in the position that I am in, I see some strange things and I completely understand the position these ladies are in.  It’s weird, it’s like we women lose our ability to understand right from wrong when it comes to weddings?  What is the G-O??  I think there should be some rules.  Here is my list, I’m going to call it:

Dont Go Bat Shit Crazy – An Outsiders View on Weddings

Yes, it is the biggest day of your life, some of you have probably dreamed of this day since you were a little girl and now Mr Right has come along and the planning has started.  You’ve found the venue, discussed the menu, got your church or celebrant booked but here are some little things that you should consider:

The Dress: Look, sweetheart necklines don’t always look good – actually, I reckon it’s pretty hard to pull off – just putting it out there.  Just because most dresses are strapless, that doesn’t mean one size fits all – no no no ladies.  When looking at this style of dress in magazines, just check out the size of the models….. again, just sayin….. Tuckshop arms……. just sayin……

Shoes:  Love, if you don’t really wear heels, why wear them that day?  I know they are pretty and sparkly but at least practice in them and don’t kick them off before the reception?  It’s not a good look seeing a bride wobble down the aisle and then carry your shoes around.  And let’s be honest, no one remembers your shoes!

Make Up:  Practice Run!  If you don’t wear a lot of make up usually, don’t go all hooker like for the day cause let me tell you, this is something everyone will remember and comment about!!  If your make up artists name is Madam Misty Rosy Cheeks Delite and has a suspicious lump in her throat, you probably won’t get subtle make up – do your research!  Oh, and waterproof mascara – do I need to explain??

Hair: See Above!!!

Decorations: It starts out just a few bits and pieces here and there, then it multiplies, then it multiplies some more, then it takes on a life of its own – ladies, sometimes just a few bits and pieces are enough.  Hey I’m a fan of a bargain, trust me, but just because you can get it on the cheap, doesn’t always make it the best choice.

The Cake:  Apparently this is a big deal.  Look, we all look at the cake, we all take photos of it and I tell you what, we will remember what it tastes like – um well actually, no we won’t.  By the time the cake comes out, most of our mouths are numb from a few hours of drinking and really, if we box it up and take it home, we’re probably going to eat it hungover and it will be the best thing ever – so about the cake, don’t worry about it too much.

Piss Fart Drunk: Fine line isn’t there.  Firstly, eat that day.  Yes it’s a stressful day – although it really doesn’t need to be and if you get on it too early, chances are Piss Fart Bride is on her way.  Piss Fart Bride had her day on her Hens Day, best she keep it a distant memory on her big night – but hey, if it’s really good champagne, well all bets are off right?  You may be Piss Fart Bride but no-one really needs to know – one foot in front of the other……… Oh and heads up, back to those shoes, heels will not be your friend right now!

Bridezilla: Oh yes, that’s right, don’t become the Bridezilla!  Everyone knows it’s your day and your people are on your side and are there to help you.

So, that’s just a little advice but look, it’s your day, bloody enjoy it – dress as you want, do what you want, get a bubble machine, smoke machine and throw glitter everywhere, eat, drink and be merry because it really is all about you!

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It’s my fault….again…

This morning consisted of the following:

Moomoo cranky because I have to keep asking him to get up.  This becomes my fault.

Monkeyboy wonders why I haven’t done his lunch yet as I was in the middle of feeding the pets aka doing their jobs.  This becomes my fault.

Monkeyboy dobbing on Moomoo and his mates for calling him names in the park yesterday.  Moomoo loses his phone for a day. This becomes my fault.

Moomoo giving me the finger behind my back (and getting caught).  This becomes my fault.

Monkeyboy can’t find his soccer ball.  This becomes my fault.

Moomoo doesn’t give me a kiss as he’s leaving today.  This becomes my fault.

Mornings suck – end of!

Can’t wait for this afternoon……..

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Busted!

 

So this just happened……(yeah not that picture….yet…)

Moomoo: Hey Mum, what are these – ( holds up some condoms)

Me: Nothing – (grabs them walks away)

Mr Cruisey: You know what they are – (clearly much more able to handle these situations)

Moomoo: I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight (smirks, giggles, slinks off to room)

Monkeyboy: What are you talking about – (stay innocent young one, stay innocent……)

Me: You’ll learn about it in Sex Ed

It is at this point that I grab Moomoos iPod as his messages are connected to his phone – that’s right, I am the Queen of slyness…….

And then this happens…..

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Loving the emoji’s that he used: kisses, cuddles, boy/girl, boy/girl/baby, smile, OMG, OMFG, Crying, Sick, Tears…….

And just imagine if he found our ‘toy box’…….

     and that will be a whole new can of worms….

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T is for The Terrible Testosterone Troublemaker

Been quiet of late…..

It’s because I am beat down, beat down I tell ya!

These kids are crazy!! I don’t know where they came from or when they showed up but apparently they’re here to stay – yippee ki-yay motherf&@#$ers

I wrote this post back when Moomoo was 10.  Apparently it is appropriate for them both at any age…

Killing me….enjoy the read….

Re Post begins…… now!

Ah what’s the go with boys and testosterone???

No one tells you about that do they! Nah, we’ll leave that one out of the big book of children – you know that mystery book that everyone seems to know about but you!  Anyone can contribute as long as it’s happy, nice positive feedback.

Huh – no nice happy feedback here!

So there is 19 months between Moomoo and Monkeboy.  Needless to say it’s been years of absolute pleasurable hell at times.  Just when one seems to come good, the other one jumps on the band wagon.

At the moment, Moomoo or Hormones as I like to call him lately, is just a little bit weird – like crazy person weird.  He’s always been ah, unique but this new crazy is a whole new level.  It’s like he gets jacked up on air – look he’s rather harmless but when he is in this phase he’s pretty manic.  Now as you know, what goes up, must come down – and down it comes with a thud.  He’s only 10 and I get big scary insights into what he will be like as a sulky, sullen teenager – good times ahead!

Now Monkeyboy is the one who is normally in the firing line of Hormones, however, Little Ray of Sunshine, as I am calling him, is not so innocent either.  He does whatever he can to get Hormones into trouble with a smile.  He seems to be a little sulkier than usual but as I said, just taking over from Hormones – we’ve seen this before but man – when does it stop – oh yeah, it doesn’t.

I’m told The Terrible Testosterone Troublemaker rears it’s ugly head every 3 years or so with boys.  I know I am not the most patient person in the world so of course, there is a fair bit of yelling when the beast rears its ugly head.    Hormones and I can clash, not unlike Dawn and I – hmm yes ironic isn’t it, and Little Ray of Sunshine just blames me for well everything.  So when The Terrible Testosterone Troublemaker is wreaking havoc on our somewhat mostly peaceful house, I have to control Horrible Hormonal Harriet or I am pretty sure that the Cruisy Love of My Life, might just walk out that door – he is a very patient man.

So I say to you The Terrible Testosterone Troublemaker, you break my heart, you frustrate and annoy me, your best friend Horrible Hormonal Harriet is a wench as well,  yet I know, you are a necessary evil.

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The Straw That Broke The Camels Back

No!  No, no, no, no, no!! It is not bloody fun!

I tried to help Moomoo out with his iPhone.  Mistake number 1.

Thanks to Apple being a piece of shit with its upgrades and crap, I lost everything off his phone. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!

He has had a complete meltdown – T.O.T.A.L  M.E.L.T.D.O.W.N!! I mean, sobbing, chest heaving tears, yelling, stomping – it was a total toddler tantrum meltdown!! Oh, and this happened last night, so it is still ongoing!  I am dreading going home!  He H.A.T.E.S me right now!  Man, I feel soooooo bad too cause I know how much it sucks to lose everything.  But seriously, to say that I did it on purpose is just a bit rough.  And seriously, you lost your phone data, not a limb!

But this was just the straw that broke the camels back.  You see he is just around the corner from those arsehole teen years and he has just jumped on the roller coaster.  Most days, he’s ok….ish… ok well really, it just depends on the moment.  These pre teen beasts can jump down your throat and rip out your heart at the drop of a hat!

I have discovered that when asking a pre teen to do anything, they interpret it as:

This world is so completely unfair and I am the only kid in the world that has to do it and you don’t ask Monkeyboy to do anything and he is your favourite and the world hates me  and I hate you and everybody else and you suck!’

I gotta be honest, I don’t know if I am going to survive these years…..

Anyone else in the same boat?

Look, a funny camel…

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Inter School Sport (Only Winners Please!)

Today, Moomoo found out he didn’t make the school team for Rugby League.

Look, let’s be honest, he is not the best player out there.  In fact, when he didn’t get in last year, he laughed.  But this year, he was keen.

He’s played Interschool soccer for 2 years and played a season of Rugby Union and decided to try out for the team.  It’s his last year in school so why not.  Unlike Monekyboy who is good at most thing’s he tries, Moomoo is more like Bella from Twilight – you know, co-ordination not being the best at all times however, he gives it a red-hot go!  He showed at all of the training sessions, he talked about it non stop, the boys were on his side but then she gave him the news, ‘Sorry mate, you’re not in the team.’

Now, here’s where it gets a bit ranting.  As I said, not the best player out there HOWEVER, the teacher had told all of the other boys 2 WEEKS AGO that they were on the team.  2 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!  At this time, she told Moomoo that there is 1 spot left and it is between him and another boy.  So for 2 WEEKS STRAIGHT these 2 boys didn’t know if they were in the team.  As I said, he kept going to all of the training sessions to try to impress the teacher and get on the team.  Everyday he would come home and say she should tell me tomorrow.  He even told me that he kept asking her and she said ‘Well you’re probably on it as you keep asking me’.  Bitch, WTF? Do you have kids? Or have you done one too many triathlons that your brain is melting?  You can’t say that to a kid and then rip his heart out and stomp on it like WTF?  She must have known 2 WEEKS AGO that he was not good enough.

Oh and to top it off, Moomoo said ‘oh well,if I don’t get in, I’ll try out for Flag Tag.’  So today when she ripped his heart out, stomped on it and made him cry, he went to see if he could try out for Flag Tag but they already have the team – Bitch!  So, not only has he missed out on Rugby League, he’s missed out on Flag Tag – thanks lady, well done!

As stated earlier, Moomoo may not be the best at sport however, he does give it a red-hot go.  I also understand that they want winners on the team so they can get the coveted trophy at the end of the season – oh hang on, there isn’t a trophy.  That’s right, there isn’t even a bloody trophy!  Oh but there is the accolades that will live on and on and no one will really give a shit about but a least there will be some back slapping in the class room.

PRIMARY SCHOOL SPORT, NOT CLUB LEVEL GRADED SPORT, NOT THE OLYMPICS – PRIMARY SCHOOL SPORT!!!!

He might not have gotten in the team but he sure can shred on a board!

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