The Straw That Broke The Camels Back

No!  No, no, no, no, no!! It is not bloody fun!

I tried to help Moomoo out with his iPhone.  Mistake number 1.

Thanks to Apple being a piece of shit with its upgrades and crap, I lost everything off his phone. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!

He has had a complete meltdown – T.O.T.A.L  M.E.L.T.D.O.W.N!! I mean, sobbing, chest heaving tears, yelling, stomping – it was a total toddler tantrum meltdown!! Oh, and this happened last night, so it is still ongoing!  I am dreading going home!  He H.A.T.E.S me right now!  Man, I feel soooooo bad too cause I know how much it sucks to lose everything.  But seriously, to say that I did it on purpose is just a bit rough.  And seriously, you lost your phone data, not a limb!

But this was just the straw that broke the camels back.  You see he is just around the corner from those arsehole teen years and he has just jumped on the roller coaster.  Most days, he’s ok….ish… ok well really, it just depends on the moment.  These pre teen beasts can jump down your throat and rip out your heart at the drop of a hat!

I have discovered that when asking a pre teen to do anything, they interpret it as:

This world is so completely unfair and I am the only kid in the world that has to do it and you don’t ask Monkeyboy to do anything and he is your favourite and the world hates me  and I hate you and everybody else and you suck!’

I gotta be honest, I don’t know if I am going to survive these years…..

Anyone else in the same boat?

Look, a funny camel…

Inter School Sport (Only Winners Please!)

Today, Moomoo found out he didn’t make the school team for Rugby League.

Look, let’s be honest, he is not the best player out there.  In fact, when he didn’t get in last year, he laughed.  But this year, he was keen.

He’s played Interschool soccer for 2 years and played a season of Rugby Union and decided to try out for the team.  It’s his last year in school so why not.  Unlike Monekyboy who is good at most thing’s he tries, Moomoo is more like Bella from Twilight – you know, co-ordination not being the best at all times however, he gives it a red-hot go!  He showed at all of the training sessions, he talked about it non stop, the boys were on his side but then she gave him the news, ‘Sorry mate, you’re not in the team.’

Now, here’s where it gets a bit ranting.  As I said, not the best player out there HOWEVER, the teacher had told all of the other boys 2 WEEKS AGO that they were on the team.  2 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!  At this time, she told Moomoo that there is 1 spot left and it is between him and another boy.  So for 2 WEEKS STRAIGHT these 2 boys didn’t know if they were in the team.  As I said, he kept going to all of the training sessions to try to impress the teacher and get on the team.  Everyday he would come home and say she should tell me tomorrow.  He even told me that he kept asking her and she said ‘Well you’re probably on it as you keep asking me’.  Bitch, WTF? Do you have kids? Or have you done one too many triathlons that your brain is melting?  You can’t say that to a kid and then rip his heart out and stomp on it like WTF?  She must have known 2 WEEKS AGO that he was not good enough.

Oh and to top it off, Moomoo said ‘oh well,if I don’t get in, I’ll try out for Flag Tag.’  So today when she ripped his heart out, stomped on it and made him cry, he went to see if he could try out for Flag Tag but they already have the team – Bitch!  So, not only has he missed out on Rugby League, he’s missed out on Flag Tag – thanks lady, well done!

As stated earlier, Moomoo may not be the best at sport however, he does give it a red-hot go.  I also understand that they want winners on the team so they can get the coveted trophy at the end of the season – oh hang on, there isn’t a trophy.  That’s right, there isn’t even a bloody trophy!  Oh but there is the accolades that will live on and on and no one will really give a shit about but a least there will be some back slapping in the class room.

PRIMARY SCHOOL SPORT, NOT CLUB LEVEL GRADED SPORT, NOT THE OLYMPICS – PRIMARY SCHOOL SPORT!!!!

He might not have gotten in the team but he sure can shred on a board!

The Om of it – Part 2

I wrote a post way back when about Yoga called The Om Of It (you can read it below this post) and realizing the benefits of Yoga.  Well I gave a new style a whirl, it’s hot Yoga and well, fark me – it’s full on.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it – ok well, um, I was enjoying it and then I had one of those ‘nah, really didn’t enjoy that’ type of class – Hot Yoga, we are done…

See here’s the deal, it’s a different type of Yoga than I am used to – not much downward dog going on, more twist like the bejesus going on, and the instructors talk you through it but they are full on!  They talk quick and loud and it’s all go go go and then there’s the heat, oh the heat.  Look, I’m a sweater, runs in the family (yeah, jealous much?) so after the first few breathing exercises the sweats start happening.  They continue all through class and to be honest, I don’t mind the sweats – I don’t know if the rest of the class appreciates the beer sweats that may or may not have come from my direction, but sweating is cleansing right?  Cleansing and slippery, super slippery especially when you’re trying to get into poses crossing your legs and they keep slipping.  Or when it is time to lie down and relax and sweat drips in your ears and other places sweat shouldn’t be – gee I’m talking it up aren’t I?

So, Hot Yoga and I probably won’t hang out again.  It was fun for a while but when it becomes a chore, well, time to move on isn’t it?

Now for the original post, please enjoy

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The Om Of It

Chill Pill, Mood Pill, Rescue Remedy – the list goes on.  These are a few of the thing’s I’ve tried to release the stress and get through the day.  Exercise, food, drinking are some other remedies, although I generally stick to these ones.

Chill Pills – These are a natural calming blend of  Rhodiola and Hops blah blah blah blah blah – relives stress, reduce the effects of mild anxiety blah blah blah bluh improve stamina and endurance – take 1 a day or 2 if needed – yep 2 straight up thanks – these are the ones for me!  Well they did what the bottle said, well I think they did, well actually I’m not sure – can I take more, what about if my stress levels rise – can you overdose on Chill???? Freak Out!

Mood Plus – Scientifically formulated to help give a positive mood boost blah blah blah blah ame ingrdients as above plus a few more blah blah blah – take 1 tablet twice a day, 30 minutes before food – hmm what if I forget, can I take one just before I eat – do I need to wait 30 minutes then – what if it’s a hot meal – geez man this is stressful!!!!! Freak Out!

Rescue Remedy – Righto Dr Bach – you’ve been around the longest – it’s made of flowers – I love flowers – this is all good!  People worldwide know this gear so it must be the one! Hmmmm I think I was looking for that Dr Feelgood I  have encountered a few times in my past….Flowers aside Dr, this one, like the others don’t seem to be doing it for me.

Now I have decided to try an age old remedy that I know is the goods – physical, mental, spiritual discipline….bliss – well for an hour at least for 5 weeks…  the boys bought me (after I had enrolled myself and told them what to do) 5 weeks of Yoga and a Yoga kit.

I am now up to week 3 and loving it.  I especially love the meditation at the end of the le sson however, I am not sure if the rest of the class enjoys my snoring – in my defence, I do wake myself up snoring!  And like Mr Cruisey said, ‘at least you didn’t fart’ (see farts are funny at any age!).

Tonight I left class completely relaxed right up until I got about a block from home and Nissan Man was on the road.  I could feel them Om slipping out of me as Nissan man kept braking in front of me in the middle of the road – hello – your brakes work now get a move on!  So I get home, deep breathe, let it pass, all Om again.  That was right up until I walk upstairs and see the dishes still in the sink and realise I still have to hang out a load of washing, put the next one on oh the list goes on and on and the Om keeps slipping away…..

So all the pills and sprays aside, apparently breathing and stretching is the key to a bit of inward bliss – huh ironic isn’t it that the most simple thing in the world to do is sometimes the hardest thing to find time to do.

Bad Neighbours….

Dearest Neighbour,

So, it’s been a year, my oh my where has the time gone.  I remember when you rocked up and introduced yourself on the very first day we were here.  You did the whole, ‘if you need anything’ or ‘wanna come over for a coffee’ deal, it was nice but let’s be honest, soooo not gonna happen.  It was great meeting your kids as they were hanging over the fence asking to play with the boys.  The boys were polite and told them no because they are a bit younger than them but that didn’t stop them hanging over the fence….a lot….actually, an uncomfortable amount of time but hey, that’s what kids do right?

Since we have been here, we have utilized the deck a fair bit with dinners and BBQ’s and yes, the odd party.  We start our parties early cause well, we’ve all got kids and we try to be very mindful of our neighbours and I reckon even you would agree with me that we haven’t really cranked things up much.  I apologize for Mr Cruisey bringing out the guitar and amp at 8.30pm at the last party, playing 3 songs and then shutting it down.  It was my birthday and I think he thought he was serenading me however, I, like you, thought it was a little loud and he shut it down.  You must have thought it was way over the top because I guess that was the reason that you called the police.  Geez, in all the parties over all the years, the police have never rocked up so thanks for that.  Although they did agree with me that even they couldn’t tell that there was a party going on because it was pretty quiet but lucky for you, your kid got to go to bed so he could get up to do some fence climbing.

And as you know, we do have two boys and The Moose.  They like to kick the ball around and we like to throw the ball to The Moose.  Now I apologize that at times the various balls have found their way into your yard but I’m curious as to why you don’t just throw them back over?  Like, what do you need a dog’s ball over your side for?  Thanks for throwing it back over when you did possibly hear Mr Cruisey ask why you don’t throw the balls back.  And I’m sorry that the boys kick the ball too high sometimes and it ends up in your yard.  I know they use their manners when they come over to your house to ask if they can get their ball so I am curious as to why you thought it was ok to tell them that you are ‘sick of the fucken ball coming over the fence and next time it comes over I’m going to fucken pop it’?  I mean hey lady, they used their manners right?

Now, you may hear my having a subtle word to them now and then but lady, you ain’t got no right to swear at my kids!  I think that you may be frustrated or something.  I can suggest that maybe you take a look at this website  http://www.positivelypink.com.au/ – maybe get a couple of friends over?  Or maybe this one http://www.eharmony.com.au/ or could I suggest maybe just doing it the old-fashioned way and go out, get drunk and get laid – you never know, it might do you the world of good.

I haven’t mentioned it before but I would appreciate it if you cat didn’t come over here, beat Dame Esmerelda up, steal her food and crap in our yard.  The Dame has been beaten up pretty bad by your crazy fat white cat so a Nerf gun will be kept by the door and it’s ok, i won’t call the police.

So for the really good news, we ain’t going anyway anytime soon and I look forward to having that cup of coffee and possibly hanging out in the future……NOT!

Yours sincerely,

Your Stuck With Us xx

They’re Killing Me…..

They’re killing me I tell ya…..Killing me!

Gone are the days where I spend most of my time in a delusional sleep deprived haze.  Gone are the days of changing nappies and making bottles.  Gone are the days of the tantrums…….Oh hang on………………….

No…..That is not the case.  Moomoo is turning 13 in 7 months.  He will be starting High School next year.  He has started Sex Education and his body is changing.  Along with the body changes is the hormonal craziness.  It’s up, it’s down, it’s all over the shop.  There’s attitude, there are tears, there’s yelling, there’s hugging it’s just…..I don’t know how to describe it…..it’s oh I know, it’s bloody boy PMT!!!! Crazy days ahead folks!

And then Monkeyboy……What the what is up with him I hear you ask?  I’ll tell you what’s up with him, his head is up his butt is what’s up with him!  Man oh man oh man.  Smart arse – geez.  This kid is a sulky little grump with a side of attitude that is killer!  And I tell you what…..

They’re killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then they do this…………………

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It’s moments like these……………………

It’s Time for an Intervention

 

So, there was an intervention yesterday.

An intervention between two 12-year-old boys.

Yes you read that right, two 12-year-old boys.

Why you ask?

Well because they were acting like bloody girls that’s why!

Over the past few weeks, there has been a storm a brewing between Moomoo and his mate that he has had since Day Care.  Words have been said, txts have been sent, Instagram had lost followers, the world has ended a few times.  There have been tears, yelling, fighting, a whole hormonal shit storm has entered both houses.  They would make up then break up and honestly, I couldn’t keep up.  It really started impacting both families and it went full tilt shit storm yesterday morning.

It started like your usual day.  ‘Boys, get up, get showered, get your lunch, where’s your hat….’ you know, that old chest nut.(here is a previous post I did about that http://wp.me/p2tuId-1h) and then I decided to have a look at his txts (yes I read his txts, I also check his Instagram and messages, how else am I going to keep ahead of the game?)

Well, that is right about when shit did hit the fan!  Moomoo and his mate were having a txt war the other night.  We were aware of it and we shut it down…….or so I thought!  That turned out to not be the case.  My darling sweet little devil in disguise angel had actually started a bit of cyber bullying.  I was mortified!  We didn’t bring up this kid to do that! Yelling ensued and all out war broke out between the child and I.  Moomoo would not accept responsibility for his actions.  The tears flowed, the yelling continued, the guilt set in (yes from me) it was on like Donkey Kong. I could not believe that the war between the two was still on and from what I could see, Moomoo was the instigator – m o r t i f i e d!

So…… after the dust settled and the tears abated, I dropped them at school.  It was a shit crap morning and I’d had enough.  Enough of this ridiculous bitch fight between the two so I decided that an intervention was needed.  Now seeing as it would have been frowned upon to put them in a ring Gladiator style (damn political correctness), sitting them down and having a conversation with them was the next best thing.  The Mothers came up with a plan.  I was taking Moomoo over that afternoon and they were going to work it out!

5.00pm hits.  I leave work, get home, tell Moomoo to get in the car and come to the shop with me.  He’s smart this one, as we’re driving he’s like, ‘Why did you want me to come with you?’, ‘What are we getting at the shop?’, ‘ WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE!’ ….as we pull up at the mates place…..and he sees his mate walking across the road and as his mate sees us pull into his driveway there was the same look on his face as there was on Moomoos – Panic, sheer panic (sheer brilliance I’m thinking!)

Up we go, sit them down and lay it out.  Sitting in between two sullen boys, telling them how ridiculous this fight is and how we don’t care if they are friends or not but just letting them know in calm and rational voices (yeah, it was a struggle) that THIS SHIT HAS GOT TO STOP!  There was a bit of staring and then a few words got mumbled then Moomoo admitting that he kinda started it and then apologies made and then we sent them to Fight Club downstairs to go and chat, sort it out and see what happens.

Off they went reluctantly for their 5 minute talk, that turned into a 25 minute hang out session that included apologies, chatting, gaming and finally and end to the war.

For the moment………(and I’m pretty sure they don’t ever want to be sat down like that again!)

Any wars at your house?

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  Sorry………but this is hilarious……

How to Raise Gun-Free Boys

itsnotjustmeright:

This….this folks is pure brillance – a post on the blog of the very wise Becoming Cliche!

Originally posted on Becoming Cliche:

When my husband and I first started talking about having children almost two decades ago, one of our concerns was the pervasive violence in our culture. Seeing boys barely old enough to write their names pretending to blow one another up was troubling, and we decided our kids were going to be different. We didn’t buy in to gender stereotypes. Kids are blank slates. We were going to raise our boys to be peaceful. We’re seventeen years into this parenting gig. Twelve of those years have been spent raising boys, and I’ve worked with hundreds of children aged preschool to high school, so I do have at least some experience when I offer this advice.

To raise gun-free boys:

  1. Teach them new meanings to common behaviors. Children naturally extend thumb and forefinger. Teach them it’s an “L” for “Love.” If that doesn’t work, I recommend gluing their thumbs and…

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