How to Raise Gun-Free Boys

itsnotjustmeright:

This….this folks is pure brillance – a post on the blog of the very wise Becoming Cliche!

Originally posted on Becoming Cliche:

When my husband and I first started talking about having children almost two decades ago, one of our concerns was the pervasive violence in our culture. Seeing boys barely old enough to write their names pretending to blow one another up was troubling, and we decided our kids were going to be different. We didn’t buy in to gender stereotypes. Kids are blank slates. We were going to raise our boys to be peaceful. We’re seventeen years into this parenting gig. Twelve of those years have been spent raising boys, and I’ve worked with hundreds of children aged preschool to high school, so I do have at least some experience when I offer this advice.

To raise gun-free boys:

  1. Teach them new meanings to common behaviors. Children naturally extend thumb and forefinger. Teach them it’s an “L” for “Love.” If that doesn’t work, I recommend gluing their thumbs and…

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Enter The Green Zone……Again

Seven years of this shit and still it goes on…….

Can ya guess where this one is going???

Yup for all those crazy drivers, this one’s for you.

So as I’ve said before, I drop the children at ‘Green Zone’.  This is an area that is a drop off zone – 2 mins max.  These are the rules as per the school:

• You may stop and pick up only in the green zone.
• You may stop for no longer than two minutes.
• If your children are not ready, you must move on and
come back later.
• You may not queue , waiting for a
space in the green zone.
• If there are no spaces in the green zone you must
continue driving and return until a space becomes
available.

Simple right?  And in case that is too hard, here’s a translation.

Morning Drop Off - This is normally not to bad if you get there by 8.30, after that, all bets are off.  And so it goes:

Kids open door.

Kids get out of car.

Kids run along happily to school, excited to face the day ahead of them.

Mum waves, smiles, blows kisses and does a little happy dance with both hands on the wheel, indicates, checks mirrors then pulls into traffic safe in the knowledge that for at least 6 hours, there will be no kid whingeing.

After School Pick Up -  Right this is where it gets dicey.

Get to the school street and join the queue, not that there should be a queue because as stated above, if your kid isn’t ready, move on – hence no blocking of the street.

Wait patiently as the queue starts to move, watching kids run on to the road dodging traffic so they can jump in the car because this is much more fun than being safe.

Get to the end of the actual Green Zone queue, spot children, start to move up – only to find that someone has parked in the 2 minute drop off/pick up Green Zone!

Indicate getting ready to pull out into the traffic while giving the ‘parked person’ dirty looks (yeah righto and a few choice words but it’s ok because your windows are up and they won’t hear you so it’s not really road rage), move around said ‘parked person’ and stop.

Yell to the kids to jump in, bags in back, seat belts on, indicate, check mirrors, play dodgem cars and get the hell out of there!

Ask the children how their day was and get either:

a grunt – indicating no need to carry on this conversation further or

a rant – indicating time to zone out whilst carefully responding when prompted.

So that folks is the daily grind with the Green Zone – no wonder school is a stressful environment!

BlogBlockBlogBlockBlogBlock!

I have bloggers block.

I have lots of ideas.

I have even written them in my journal.

I have 3 posts that I have started.

Yet I cannot finish them.

I think I need some more stupid shit to happen so I can write about it.

I am leaving now.

I will return…..soon………

Too much?????….

Transformers is a story about….

Well, The Wiggles didn’t really hang around for too long.

Bob packed up his tools and off he went.

Animation flicks still get a look in because, well, they’re animation.

We have certainly entered the Action Testosterone Filled Movie scene…..Thank God!

The latest escapade we went to was Transformers 4, or 5 or whatever it is up to now……The boys were in car heaven.  Look, let’s be honest.  It’s a movie about alien trucks and cars that transform.  Do you reckon there’d be much story to it?  It’s got Marky Mark in it playing a dorky yet cool nerdy inventor Dad with a way too hot daughter.  There’s funny moments, there’s sad moments and it’s all tied together in a very loose story about……..well…..alien robots came and there were other alien robots and then …… Marky Mark saved the day – seriously, we don’t care what it was about, it was cool.  It was a cool, fun flick to check out that the critics are panning – they obviously did not go with a 10 and 12-year-old!

 

 

School Hellidays….Again….

Yep, it’s that time again.

It’s school holidays

And they are off to Nanna and  Poppys for a week.

And not a moment to soon…………

They got to have the first week of the holidays with Mr Cruisey but for week 2, rather than fork out the money that equates to a house deposit for school care, they are off to Nanna and Poppys.

So by the time school holidays gets here, we’re all done.  They’re tired and ratty and whinny and argumentative and in our case, the horrid hormonal monster has been visiting a fair bit.  We’ve had the emotional unstable monster, the angry monster, the down right psychotic hormonal beast of a monster and it has wiped me out!

So, Mum came to pick the boys up on Friday while I was at work so of course the first thing I did when I got home was to de flea clean the place.  I put away the mattresses that had been out for the week from their sleep overs in Moomoos room.  I dusted, vacuumed, mopped.  I picked up clothes, water bottles and put away games.  I had the place spick and span all the while keeping an eye on Beverley Hills 90210 (yes, I know, shut up, I>LOVE>IT).

I look forward to a week of less washing – although, just like Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites, their clothes keep showing up in each load.  I look forward to a week of peace.  I look forward to a week of not really having plans for dinner (yeah ok, kids here or not, that’s nearly everyday).  I look forward to a week of sanity.  I look forward to missing them so bad that I can’t wait to see them.

Mr Cruisey and I are really grateful to Mum and Pops in the fact that the kids can go to their place and despite a little resilience every now and then (and a few Poppy gets grumpy comments), the boys love it.

So I hope you’re all enjoying the school  holidays doing whatever it is that you’re doing.

Let’s hope Dawn still feels this way by Friday….

The Break Up

Break ups are always hard and it’s only after the break up that you analyse things and ask yourself ‘what went wrong, what happened I mean we had such a good relationship didn’t we?  I didn’t even see it coming?  I don’t understand?’

All those times we spent together hanging out, shooting the breeze, building the relationship.  I’d rock up to find different staff in the salon and get the run down on the goings on.  I’d pretend like I knew who you were talking about so I could fit in, you’d pretend like you remembered my name and I would come out feeling on top of the world with a new colour or cut.

But something went wrong……..

When I rocked up to my last appointment, the salon was full of strange ‘look at me’ and ‘I can talk the loudest’ type salon folk.  The scene was a little unsettling but I really needed a cut.

So we’re making small talk in between him talking to everyone else and everybody else talking to everybody else and it’s all a bit chaotic and it’s like that time I did acid and I had no clue about what was going on around me and before I know it, my hair is being straightened and then he starts blissfully hacking away.  I feel a little uncomfortable not dissimilar to that trip, however, I have put a certain amount of trust in my hairdresser and he hasn’t steered my wrong yet but just like acid, when thing’s seem warm and fuzzy and pretty and shimmery, just lurking below the surface is a scary arse dragon.

And the dragon is rumbling.

My hairdresser is talking and cutting and talking and cutting and oh wait, the phone rings, so my hairdresser answers the call because everybody else in the salon is too busy talking to each other about themselves so he is the only one that can answer the phone mid haircut (customer service 101).  Seriously! I watch him flamboyantly waving his magic scissors around as he is talking with his over exaggerated gestures – clearly the conversation is all about him.  So I’m watching and waiting and waiting and watching and man, I just want to get off the blue bus and get outta there. Finally, he is done.  He apologizes and gives me a run down and then starts hacking and chatting and hacking and chatting and then the chair spins and voila – it’s done and feel it, doesn’t it feel good and don’t you feel better and that’ll be $60.00…..

What the fuckidy fuck?

$60.00…. seriously?

$60.00, no shampoo, no scalp massage just a flashback to a trip from days gone by.

And just like that, we are done!

But like any relationship, we had some good times, but sadly, I finally realized that maybe it was me who was putting in all the effort and now, I’m done, it’s time to move on.

Thanks for the memories, I will miss you…..

This is what I asked for….

Bang Bang He Shot Me Down

So, your kids don’t play with guns?

Well thank god for that I mean, a kid with a gun isn’t really a good thing now is it I mean unless you live on the corner of Redneck and Thug street, probably no need for your kid to play with a gun.

Now, if you say you don’t want your kid playing with guns – pretend guns because guns are bad and guns teach the kid the wrong things and blah blah blah well I’m sorry to tell you but you really can’t stop it.  From the minute they can point their stubby little fingers to when they pick up a stick there’s always going to be some gun action going on, always.  Take a look in the playground – there’s gun action going on and what’s worse, it doesn’t stop.

It starts with the fingers.  And sticks……

It moves on to the water pistols in the party bags, the useless water pistols that only work for a little while and then as they get older, they upgrade.  They upgrade to water cannons that shoot water out at 300km / hr.  There are water fights around the pool, in the park anywhere as long as someone gets a soaking, it’s a good day.

Enter the Nerf Guns.  Guaranteed, they will get a Nerf gun at some point – from an Uncle (man I wish I had one of those) or a friend at their birthday party (yeah I’ve got one of these and they’re so cool). Nerf guns with there ‘take an eye out’ foam bullets that shoot at 300km / hr and also come in pink for the girls.  It’s ok to play with them because they are plastic and foam with a little rubber thrown in?

And then when they are not playing with the real pretend things, they show up in the games that all the cool kids are into.  And if it’s not guns in the games it’s swords or axes or bows and arrows so ya see, the kids are surrounded by weapons – PRETEND WEAPONS (unless like I said you live on the corner of Redneck and Thug Street, well that might be a little different) so peeps, maybe some of you need to unknot those knickers because, in my humble opinion, playing with toys doesn’t really lead you to being the kid on the roof out of Parenthood.