The ‘Then and Now’

Oh how I love a good ‘Then and Now’ gallery – I mean I.LOVE.THEM! If you looked at my Google history or FB history, you will see that I go into heaps of these galleries….heaps! (And yes there may some random stuff in there that you cannot judge me on – I’m sure it was for research…)  It’s kind of like FB stalking isn’t it – oh come on, like you haven’t done that??!!!  I reckon these are some crackers – from the 80’s of course…

 Yeah, We Love The Goonies!

Ah, there be some classics…..

But you want controversy I hear…..

Well then……

 Stay off the drugs kids….

  and out of the plastic surgeons office…..

Just like a bottle of red…..some age with grace…..and find a good hairdresser…

 

And then theres the lucky to be alive galleries…….LEGENDS…

So how about you – do you love the Now and Thens??

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You Have Been Sucessfully Unsubscribed…..

Man, I am a goon sometimes.  You’d reckon that by now I’d know that whenever you give your email out, you will be bombarded with crap.  Crap emails.  Crap empty promise emails.  They tell me I’m going to win all of these  excellent ‘things’.  All these super cool life saving cannot live without ‘things’.  I don’t know exactly what the ‘things’ are but I want them.  I want the ‘things’ and then………crap email after crap email after crap email after crap email.  And then the ‘things’ lose their shine and I want out – get me the fark outta here.  Get me off the lists – I am done – have your bloody ‘things’.
Ok, I’ll just unsubscribe…..yeah..just unsubscribe, it’s that simple…..well fark me it’s really not that simple.  Check this message out – I don’t even know what I subscribed to but this is what I got when I went to unsubscribe….
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yeah, that’s right – Unsubscribe In ITALIAN like WTF?  It’s a bloody ploy.  You know what, I reckon when you unsubscribe, it really means this –
Go on, give it a shot, just try, just try and Unsubscribe I dare you!
You know this Unsubscribe button is a crock. What you actually need
to do is follow the yellow brick road and find the wizard.
The wizard is the keeper of the secrets and he had the key.  He is the only one
who can unsubscribe you but he is off tripping balls so sucked in you ain’t going
anywhere and the wizard is gonna fill you box up with crap, lots and lots of crap…but hey, you might get ‘things’…
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From the Archives………The Truth is Out There

Tis Easter after all so I thought I’d do a repost….This happened last year……

_______________________________

That’s it.

No more lies.

The truth is out there.

The truth is out there about all those freaky fictional characters that bring big bags of delight.

And what an anti climax it was.  The final Easter egg hunt has just happened. I thought it would be a big deal you know, fire works, hugs, cheers – something would’ve been nice.  I just feel, well, kinda empty.

And to make it worse, the boys were so blase about the Easter eggs, we even had to encourage them to look for the eggs.  The level of excitement registered between zero and none!  As Monkeyboy pointed out, ‘they’re in the same spots every year’.  Well come on kid, the Easter Bunny doesn’t want to battle The Moose in the middle of the night to lay the eggs outside – The Moose might like a little nibble on the Easter Bunny so the outside hunt is out of the question – and chocolate is no good for The Moose (yes, of course he would eat them all!) Moomoo was at least a little more excited, probably due to the fact that on this day, they get to have chocolate for breakfast.

So Mr Cruisey and I watch with anticipation for the excitement on their little cherub faces and wait for the squeals of joy as they find their Humpty Dumpty’s and other little treats and I want to see dancing and singing and jumping for joy but there is just……’can we have one for breakfast?’

And that’s it.

The last of the Great Easter Egg hunts is done.

And I feel empty.

I can’t remember what it felt like as a kid finding out the truth about all those freaky fictional characters that bring big bags of delight.  It was no doubt my bro who burst my bubble, or my cousins, actually, it was probably our cousins who told both of us and shattered our world, but anyway, today, knowing that this is the last Easter egg hunt we will have for a good number of years, kinda makes me feel sad.

Damn you freaky fictional characters that bring bags of delight not being real!

Happy Easter Y’all  and remember

CHOCOLATE FOR BREAKFAST IS THE BEST THING EVER!

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Q: What’s The Difference Between Toddlers & Teens…………

A: Nothing

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It’s so weird.  I remember babydom.  I remember lack of sleep, 2 babies in nappies, constant bottle rotation, constant feeding, constant crapping and when you are strung out and people are saying to you ‘cherish these moments they go so quick’ and you just want to throat punch them, oh yeah, those were fun times.  But you get through ya know.  Ya get through all the moments and people say ‘oh it’s gets worse’ and those are the same people that you want to throat punch because when you’re in the moment, you really don’t want to hear crap like that.  You are just hanging on and are hoping thing’s get better.

Well, I’m sorry to you but the thing is……It does get better….And then it gets worse…….And then it gets better…….And then it gets worse……Do you see a pattern here????  Life folks, it’s life.  Shit is going to happen but one thing I have noticed now that the kid has hit the teens is this – I have a giant toddler.  I have a giant toddler with the upper body of a boyish manchild that is starting to change right before my eyes yet he has the attitude of a toddler!  You need proof – well here it is:

Tantrums:

You know when a toddler throws itself around because it can’t get its own way and the world has ended?  Teens have tantrums.  Big sooky ‘I hate you’ tantrums.  Or loud ‘I hate you’ throwing shit around tantrums.  They both think the world revolves around them and if they don’t get their own way – Tantrum.

The Witching Hour:

5.00pm was always the Witching Hours for us – well that was the beginning of The Witching Hour and that could last for an hour or 3.  For teens, the Witching Hour now becomes hours………They can be broken down like this:

  1. Morning: From when they open their eyes until they walk out the door for school
  2. Afternoon: When they get home and can’t find anything  to eat because ‘there’s nothing to eat in this house’.  This usually continues until they are fed at dinner time.
  3. Evening: Usually occurs when teen is asked to do the dishes or if their homework is done or when they need their before bedtime feed.  Which brings me to the next similarity……

Food / Eating

Toddlers kinda eat smallish meals regularly right.  Teens seem to eat breakfast and from what I gather, don’t each much during the day and then constantly eat  from the minute they get home until they go to bed.  The grocery bill goes up and up and up and from what I hear from grown up manchildren is that they are amazed that they didn’t send their parents broke with what they ate – oh yeah, good times ahead.

Smells:

Remember the baby smell?  Remember when you could kiss and snuggle the baby.  Play games with the baby and stick their feet in your mouth (seriously, we all did it) but once they put shoes on when they were a toddler – no need for feet to go anywhere near the mouth.  And they started to smell like a human and there was always some lingering food on shirt kinda smell.  Well teens – same thing.  Never go near the teens feet.  They start to smell funky and that is usually always covered up by too much ‘body spray’ yo heads up, body spray is not deodorant!!!

Mess:

Toddlers make mess.  Toddlers drop shit everywhere.  You know where a toddler has been cause they leave a trails of shit.  Teens make mess.  Teens drop shit everywhere.  You know where a teen has been cause they leave a trail of shit.  End. Of.

So there ya go.  For every stage that you get through, don’t be surprised when exactly the same behaviour rears its ugly head again.  Teens are toddlers.  Just a bigger manchild version.

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Lean Teen Eating Machine…..

crap,  funny,  true,  teen,  lol,  text,  teenager,  teenagers,  post,  teenagerposts,  teenager post,  eating

Man……ain’t that the truth!
Having a Lean Teen Eating Machine has made me realize that there is actually stages of eating.
Stage 1 – Babydom and Toddlerdom
Babies survive on milk (formula or breast whatever works) and water for a while and then we slowly introduce foods right – solids.  Whether you puree steak dinners or open a tin, jar or packet, introducing food is the key.  Filling the babies belly is all that matters.  And this goes on all day……all day….if they’re not sleeping, they’re eating, or crapping (note: also when the gagging starts whilst changing nappies – don’t say I didn’t warn you). It’s kinda small amounts and the shopping bill doesn’t really go up too much and a bit of wastage is ok.
Stage 2 – Primary School kids – School lunch
School lunches just suck.  Whether you make and bake or buy lots of packets – they suck – they just suck!  That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Stage 3 – Teens…..
So, referring to the above statement, sorting out school lunches for High School kids suck big ones in a major way!  We seem to go the battle in the morning.  ‘What have you got for lunch?’ ‘Do you have enough lunch?’ ‘ No you cannot have tuckshop everyday’ so as far as I can tell, I could pack bucket loads of food or very little food and this will not effect what actually happens when they get home from school and into the evening…..this is when it begins.  The endless, endless grazing.  And the ‘there’s nothing to eat in this house’ or ‘there’s nothing good to eat in this house’ and then they have the same sized serving as their father and half an hour later they are in the fridge or the cupboard and they are like a big worm – constant!!!  The shopping bill is going to kill us when they are both teens let me tell ya!!!! On and On it goes…
So newbie parents, when you are going through the stage of trying to figure out what to feed the baby, rest assured the little servings that you are giving them and the little wasteage there might be when they spit it out of don’t like it, that ain’t nothing!  Wait until they become the Lean Teen Eating Machines….
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Funk Off!

(OK the picture is a bit wanky but that’s how I’m feeling right about now…!)

Right now, right at this minute……I have the house to myself…….It is blissful…….

So now…..I shall tell the funk to funk off and do some blogging…..

I don’t know what has been going on….OK that’s a lie….what been happening is I haven’t been taking time to myself and let me tell ya…..that ain’t healthy for anyone!  You see I started this little blog to do just that, have something of my own.  Yeah yeah, of course there is ‘language’ in it and ranting and moaning but well, that’s me and – all opinions expressed in this blog are my own (and fark off if you don’t like them…oops, there I go again) so, I’m getting back into the game!

So, this right now is me…

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That’s right, that’s my set up.  Today’s movie of choice it Point Break.  Johnny Utah hitting the waves.  You see, while most people put music on, I like to have a movie on in the background.  And the older the better.  I also have coffee on the boil, my notebook and yeah, that’s a cook book and fabric for later.

So in between laundry and more laundry, today I shall get some posting done.  And it will make me happy. And you might enjoy some of the posts I have coming up.

So, thanks for sticking around y’all and enjoy your Sunday.

Farts are funny….

funny pictures, don't fart

Yesterday I walked into 2 farts whilst out shopping…….bloody terrible!

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WTF Lego!!!

So Lego, you know we’ve always been a fan.  Mr Cruisey and I have spent lots and I mean lots of money on you.  We got City Scapes, Rockets, Space Shuttles, Cars, Bikes, man, we got the works.   We got Lego people, Lego dogs, Lego trees we got Lego coming out of our ears well, not so much anymore.  Now it is tucked away in depths of the cupboard in plastic containers, a distant memory for the pre teens a ‘Oh I remember playing with Lego when I was a kid’ kinda memory…… A sign of their childhood is drawing to a close……

So when my neecee wanted Lego for her birthday, she gets Lego for her birthday.  But something has happened.  When did it go from this….. (Insert advertisement from 1981)…

to this??????

And so you can imagine that there was no way I was getting these weirded out looking Lego She Girls – What’s doing with those legs?  That aint right!  Lego friends pfft! So I went looking for a Lego set that had a Lego She Girl  in it………

And all I could find was this…

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Yup, she’s a bank robber, a criminal….seriously…a criminal.  I don’t know what has gone on at Lego HQ.  When did the R & D Team come up cracker?  Were they having a lunch meeting at the Pub and thought, hey man, how’s about we do this.  Probably after someone said, hey man, how’s about we do this….Jager…..  And then there was probably a Jager induced story along the lines of….

‘Righto so we need a new line, something with a Lego She Girl in it’

‘Well we can’t really do Housewife Lego She Girl, or can we?’

‘Stay At Home Mum Lego She Girl?  Anyone?’

‘Can’t do Gold Digger Lego She Girl, that may upset a few people’

‘How about we do Bank Robber Lego She Girl?’  Winning!

Geez, Lego makers, Jager just pretends to give you good ideas at the time…

However, my neecee loves it so i will let you off the hook crazy Lego makers………….

 

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Fifty Shades….The Movie Review….

Yep, I did it.  And I’m just going to say straight up……I didn’t hate it…..unlike the book…which I previously bagged out blogged about…see here:    http://wp.me/p2tuId-ye

And just like the book, the movie has got the world talking.  Haters be hatin, lovers be loving….

When I read the book, I couldn’t really picture what the characters looked like (I mean, they weren’t Bella and Edward oh wait…..) and to be honest, I liked who they chose for the leads.  I mean they both had rocking bodies.  He was sculptured just right and there was one fleeting scene of his manhood – ok, the top of his manhood, ok it’s a stretch to say there was a manhood shot….She did just the right amount of lip biting, cutesy come hither, innocent looks, her Inner Goddess got a look in and the girls certainly were on show…a lot….. and the dynamics worked.  But hasn’t it got everyone’s knickers in a knot.

There have been some scathing reviews.  One in particular by Australian journalist Lisa Wilkinson well……she just ripped the movie a new one – and we hadn’t even gotten to the butt plugs.  Here, check out her review:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqvCXqEFEjA

So……although she has some valid points and I think the review is a bit of a cracker, the biggest issue I have with this review is when she talks about it being ‘domestic violence dressed up as erotica’ well………..that just shits me.  If this is domestic violence, well it’s different to the domestic violence I experienced.  All through this movie/book the intention was always clearly stated wasn’t it.  I mean, he showed her what he was into before the even broke the Inner Goddess!  The stalker element?  Ummm haven’t we all kinda showed up somewhere knowing that that person that gets your Inner Goddess going will be there (or am I a stalker in a previous life….oh wait, yes, I did have to chase Mr Cruisey…oh wait…).  Haven’t we all lost our minds for someone? So yeah, when she talks about domestic violence….I’m just not seeing it. Oh and by the way…..It’s a movie.  If you didn’t like it, walk out!!!  And like my sister in law movie partner in crime pointed out, ah how’s about 9 1/2 Weeks and well, any Mikey Rourke movie prior to his love of plastic surgery.

So chillax peeps.  I’m pretty sure if you’re going to see the movie, you kinda know what it’s about so grab yourself a new waffle cone choc top, upgrade to the flash seats and enjoy the ride.

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10 Bonus Points For Using Profanity Correctly, Kid.

itsnotjustmeright:

I enjoyed this….a lot…..it made me laugh…. a lot…..Thank you Fisticuffsandshenanigans

Originally posted on Fisticuffs and Shenanigans:

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The assignment was to write a five sentence paragraph summarizing a short article about things that live on (and in) our bodies.  This was my favorite response, for obvious reasons.

There are lots of bugs that be livin on our bodies.  I can’t believe that they be hidin on yo skin and get in your hers [hairs]!  But hey they better leave me alone cuz if they fuck with me, I’m gonna git em.  That’s four sentences just like you said Ms. M.  I can’t believe you made me read this stupid story about them NASTY BUGS so now I can’t sleep at night.

View original

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The Clicks

I saw a post on Facey the other day from a friend who’s little one has just started Prep.  She commented that all the parents seemed to have their own clicks and she was feeling a bit sad.  Don’t.  Seriously, Don’t.  She is in the best position for not being in a click as she can sit back and suss it all out.

You see this folks, school for parents is a battlefield.  There is so much going on and if you don’t read the signs right, you could end up in some really bad situations.  So here’s a quick guide….

Beware of the ‘Let’s get Physical’ crew.  They are the Lorna Jane, Yoga Pant wearing Mums.  They will most likely be talking about what classes they went to that day and what classes they will be going to for the rest of the week.  They may or may not have designer toddlers with them.  If so, they will also be talking about what classes they will be going to that week and when the child minding hours are at the gym and if they clash with said classes.

Beware the ‘I Know Everything You Need To Know About The School’ Mum.  She will come across as helpful because she can give you information about the school and the teachers and who is good and who is bad and all of the upcoming events and where everything is and then you just want her to Shut Up – Stop Talking.  She is probably on her last kid at Primary School therefore she thinks she is the best authority on all things school like.  This is one to avoid but you will find that you see her everywhere.  She’s kinda like ‘That Dude’ – you know, That Dude you see everywhere……

Beware of ‘The Mean Girls’.  Yeah, you know who they are, they just had kids and are still Mean Girls.  They will have designer toddlers with them and those designer toddlers are the ones playing on all the equipment and being ferals while waiting for their siblings while The Mean Girls are to busy being Mean Girls to notice of care that their designer toddlers are really designer ferals.

Beware of the ‘P & C’ Mum.  Not to be confused with the ‘I Know Everything You Need To Know About The School’ Mum, this Mum really does kinda know everything about the school.  She runs the raffles, she runs the fete.  She brings in box loads of paper and boxes for box construction (yeah, box construction – boxes with glue and paint and crap that you have to keep for at least a fortnight before they can be thrown out – bloody box construction).  She is the one that get’s all the parents to volunteer for at least one thing.  She is always the class communicator and has all of the parents emails and sends out emails and well, you’ll get to meet her…..that is one you can’t avoid……She Is Everywhere….you cannot hide from her……..

And these are just a few examples.  There are more out there.  So good luck, go forth and explore………

You know what, school pick ups kinda suck.  It’s a bit like High School all over again but just like High School, you find your click and just like High School, it doesn’t last forever.

And this is what the kids be doin….

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