I Have Had Nothing to Say

That’s right, I’ve had nothing to say.

Yeah right, that’s complete bullshit.  I have had heaps to say yet, I haven’t been putting it into words.  And I have been stressing because I haven’t been blogging.  And I have been having nightmares about not blogging. And my blog has died a little and the stress, oh the stress and the stress oh the stress…….

See that – the stress of not blogging.  What the actual!  Yeah well fark that.  That’s exactly why I haven’t been blogging because I am not going to go about it half arsed because you, the dear reader, you will see that straight away.  And I created this blog so I could vent and chat and yell and scream and entertain and use it as therapy and most importantly, the realease the …….. STRESS!!!!

Hmmm, it does feel a little ironic for sure.  So anyway, I’m not stressing about this little blog world that I have created anymore.  I have not been posting a lot because, well, for whatever reason, I just haven’t.  I’m not down on myself and I have set a couple of realistic (oh wait there’s the key) goals and I will get my words out there.  So, thanks for sticking around and you will see more of me this year……Keep the excitement down to a dull roar folks xxx

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That Moment.

Bloody teens.

Today, the beautifully, frustrating teen beast, broke my heart.  It was without intention, completely within the realms of normal in the teen world and sad to say, not the last time it will happen.  Really, this is about me.  This is about me understanding the workings of teens.

You see, it used to be that we could go to the skate park with him.  Didn’t matter if his friends were there, we could kinda hang on the fringes and be cool ya know.  Me, Mr Cruisey, The Moose, we could just hang and watch and I’d like be cool when he stacked it – well lets say I didn’t run over to rescue him when I really wanted to because well, not cool man!  But we could see his progression and just hang.

Today, we went to the skate park with Benson.  Mr Cruisey, Benson and I rocked up and he was there with his mates.  We got introduced to one of them, the other we already know, ‘hellos’ and ‘how you going’ were said and all was cool.  So we just chilled for a bit. watched the lads doing tricks, introducing Benson to the sounds of the skate park.

And then it happened……….we overstayed.  Well to be more specific, I overstayed.  It started out with a few daggers being thrown my way.  I tried conversation but the looks were getting more fierce and then I go it……..I got the …….. ‘What are you doing here’ question.

And that’s when it happened.  That’s when my heart broke a little.  To be fair, I am a little emotional right now (fark you hormones!!!) and look, I get it.  There was no way I wanted my parents at my hangout – NO WAY IN THE WORLD!  But I thought we would be able to get away with it for a while but no, I had overstayed.

So basically, we wrapped it up and left him to it.  He knew that I was a little upset but I was being cool and like I said, I get it man, he’s a teenager.  And then as we were walking home, it happened.  Both of our phones went off with a simple little message from the teen……


And just like that, the cracks start to heal.  I know we have done an awesome job with this human so I am going to own my own emotions and just ride this train out because no matter how many times in the next few years my heart breaks, I know that he loves me.

And maybe I should let him know this more often………

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What a Cracker!

As I sit here doing this post, there are exactly 6 males in the house.  Mr Cruisey, Monkeyboy, Moomoo, 2 of his mates and Benson.  They are sitting inside having dinner giggling and joking and just being weird little teen beasts.

It’s weird.  I’m sure they were little not so long ago and now they’re stinky, hairy weird little teenage beasts.  They are changing right before my eyes.  They are hairier, they are stinkier and they are squeakier! And if they are giving me grief which is a fairly regular occurence, and I am at my wit’s end, there is one thing that will help me get through it…………..and this is it.

What a Cracker!


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2016…..Let’s play nice hey??

As 2015 draws to a close, I went back over a post I did at the beginning of the year……oh dear, when I said 2015 Let’s get It On….well fark, didn’t think it would throw so many challenges my way.  Gotta say, the last half was farked!!! it really went like this…..

Righto 2016, let’s play nice hey!!!

This is the post that may have put the kybosh on the whole year….

2015 Lets Get It On…..

So, the door is shut nice and firmly on 2014 and I gotta say, 2014 was farked!  Well not totally farked but farked enough.  There were some shining lights throughout the year not doubt but I am honestly glad that the door is shut.

2014 involved a lot of hormones, puberty and me being in the poo more often than not.  They also started to smell really weird and hair is sprouting up all over the place along with the attitude.  They made it through school – one even finished school and is about the start High School (Oh god, please make it) and are now on school holidays……hellidays…..when will you end………

I saw my family and friends deal with their share of shit sandwiches last year so this year can only get better right so 2015, let’s get it on – I’m game if you are and to my friends and family……………



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You’re Grounded!

Image result for funny grounded pictures

Yep, the teen got himself grounded.  But more than that, he lost his phone.  It was like losing a limb…….it was the best thing ever!

I remember getting grounded as a kid.  It sucked so bad.  My parents really stuck to their guns to – there was no getting out of it until they said so!  And if I whinged about it, man, that just made it worse!  I missed out on so many parties and all sorts of shinanagans as a teen (I did get better at lying and did make up for lost time however……)

But anyway, the tide has turned…….and guess what………. it still sucks!  Dawn thinks it hysterical.  What the teen did to get grounded…..well lets just say, it’s stuff that Dawn has seen before…….. and ain’t Karma a biartch!

But what sucks about groundings…….Well, the whole bloody family has to suffer don’t they – IT SUCKS BALLS!  With the grounding comes the sooking and the whinging and the teen thinking that negotiations are on the table and sulking and denial and sulking, sulking, sulking……..and then they actually get it.  In their teeny tiny teenage brain, they actually get to a point where the realize, oh, I farked up.  I better cop this or I ain’t ever getting outta here. I’m still going to sulk because, well man, I’m a teen but, yeah, did the crime, do the time.

So he’s off the grounding, with plenty of rules to follow and he’s also got a brand new phone!  You see, although he was doing stupid teenage shit, there was some stupid silly shit on his phone to so he lost his smart phone and now has a………..Old School Not Smart Phone!  He was so excited to get this.  He said – ‘seriously Mum and Dad, this is going to far’….oh no fair child, this is what you get when your teeny tiny teenage brain makes really stupid teeny tiny teenage decisions!  So……Parents 1, Teen 0 – game on!

Disclaimer:  I am under no delusions that the teen with his teeny tiny teen brain won’t mess up again and get grounded…….at least I have time to come up with some more punishments…….


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And That’s a Wrap!

Yep….schools out.  Well it’s officially over on Friday but well, ‘no – one goes on the last day Mum’ (Man, remember when we had to go to the last day of school.  We’d have to chalk the blackboard then wipe it off – um why?  Then belt the dusters, wipe over everything to try to get the school stink out – the stink never, ever leaves……)

Primary school is over for child number 2.  That’s it. That’s a wrap.  They both hit High School next year (after a very, very, very long 6 weeks of school holidays…..awesome!)

And today, we had the graduation ceremony.  It was a little emotional, there were lots of speeches and lots of awards and whilst it would have been nice, there were no special awards for Monkeyboy……probably didn’t help that he didn’t really exert himself very much but hey, he got through.  The kids that did exert themselves and do more than just show up had me imagining their parents face book posts being a little different from mine but again, at least he got through, they both got through and as a lot of people were saying today, they really are the best days of your life (unless you had a crap time, then no, they weren’t….but hey, kids suck sometimes). So I hope the boys really did have the time of their lives at school because shiz is about to get real next year – Monkeyboys first year at High School, Moomoo getting a job – real world stuff – and a bunch of memories that they can take with them.  Thanks for having them Jindalee State School!!!

So here you go, have a look at some graduation pictures!


Oh, I hear you asking……….what happened to his leg……well read on folks…………………..

Monkeyboy has had to spend the last 2 weeks at school on crutches.  Why??? Well because he……wait for it……fell though a window.  How you ask?  Well…..doing stupid boy shit would be my first answer.  Doing stupid boy shit is my second answer.  Anyway, he stands on a window fram, slips, falls through, lots of cuts and blood….so much blood….gaping wounds and the end result……2 night stay in hospital, surgery, 40% slice to the achilles tendon, 70% laceration to the muscle on same foot, no nerve damage and lots of cuts and stiches.  Here, take a look….. (warning, graphic material…..)

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See! Gross..!!  6 weeks in a cast, then onto a moon boot and physio….awesome….yes, that’s correct……

Amount of time in cast & moon boot = length of school holidays!!!

Bring it….



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I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!

Seriousfarkingly…….Look at this list of crap……

35 Symptoms of Perimenopause

  • Hot flashes, hot flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling
  • Irregular heart beat
  • Irritability
  • Mood swings, sudden tears
  • Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)
  • Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles
  • Loss of libido
  • Vaginal dryness
  • Crashing fatigue
  • Anxiety, feeling ill at ease
  • Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom
  • Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion
  • Disturbing memory lapses
  • Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence
  • Itchy, crawly skin
  • Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons
  • Increased tension in muscles
  • Breast tenderness
  • Headache change: increase or decrease
  • Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea
  • Sudden bouts of bloat
  • Depression
  • Exacerbation of existing conditions
  • Increase in allergies
  • Weight gain
  • Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair
  • Dizziness, vertigo, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance
  • Changes in body odor
  • Electric shock sensation under the skin and in the head
  • Tingling in the extremities
  • Gum problems, increased bleeding
  • Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor
  • Osteoporosis (after several years)
  • Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier
  • Tinnitus: ringing in ears, bells, ‘whooshing,’ buzzing etc.

Seriousfarkingly…..WTF?  Just look at all the fun we have to look forward to.

OK so, we can make a human but……….you get to be a raging hormonal beast every month, then oh wait, that ain’t ever gonna stop but hey, you will save on sanitary products then we will throw a whole bunch of new symptoms your way.  Seriousfarkingly!

You know when Helen Reddy sang I am Woman and it was an anthem for women all over the world???? Yeah fairly certain she was talking about menopause…..Here, you be the judge!

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The Story So Far…….

So, how ya been?  I haven’t blogged in 4 months….4 MONTHS!!!! Do you want to know what’s been going on……well a shit ton really!

The year started out not so bad ya know – well pretty good actually and thing’s were going swimmingly…….then, well, I think the planets crash tackled the stars, the sun and the moon got in on the action and then, well shit city……..

I quit my full-time job as I have decided to start-up a Wedding Consulting Business (still very early and still under construction…..a lot of construction) so I now have 3 jobs until world domination with my business.  I am casual Restaurant Manager, a Book keeper and Cleaner – hey, whatever gets you by and to be honest, I am enjoying them all – so work wise, that is still generating an income.

Then in August, we lost the matriarch of the family – my Nan passed away in her sleep aged 95.  Hey, as far as going out is concerned, she did it in style.  Quick trip to NZ with the family to say our farewells and then back to more heart-break, much more heart-break.

On September 22, 2015, we lost our beloved Moose.  He was only 3.5 years old and got cancer – a really nasty motherfarker of a cancer and we had to let him go.  My little family was broken – still is and the grief monster, well that beast just keeps giving doesn’t it – arsehole!

2015-06-25 08.17.13


We decided that we would get a new puppy……meet Benson…..

Then, my brother decides to go and lose his knee – like literally – full patella rupture.  This leads to a few selfies with the green whistle on Facebook, a fairly straight forward ish operation and then a shit ton of complications.  He has been in and out of hospital ever since with blood clots – like scary arse shit 50/50 chance thing’s are looking really farked up kinda scary.  He is finally getting back on top of things – although as recently as last Thursday he was back in hospital but all in all, on the mend.

So yeah, shit city in the past few months.

But do you want to hear the kicker……………

The doctor told me I am Peri Menopausal……..get farked!

So, I have decided that it is time to start blogging again because if I don’t vent, I will explode and ain’t no-one got time for that shit so…. from now on, let’s just say there will be plenty more ramblings from a HORMONAL PRE MENOPAUSAL CRAZY WOMAN because let’s be honest, stupid happens Every.Single.Day!!!

(Inserting Inspirational Quote…..)

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Someone Yells at a kid…..world shuts down…..


Social media had a little blow up over this café owner who…(shock horror) yelled at a customer…..ok….the customer was like ….a  toddler….but technicalities …and besides, the article asked what do I think……well strap in folks, here goes:

I am a mother.  I am a hospitality worker.

So, as a mother, I don’t really want anyone yelling at my kids.  And although the boys are now teens, I reckon in my sleep deprived fun-filled toddler years, if someone were to yell at them, I would have unleashed on them.  Now that the boys are teens, it also reminds me of the tantrums they would throw as a toddler, because right now – teen vs toddler = same beast!  And when the toddlers had a ie in public, well it sucked.  It sucked big time but man, everyone goes through it at some point with a toddler.  A 40 Minute tantrum – well fuck me Ma and Pa, you let the toddler have a 40 Minute tantram, you are idiots!  And at a café, again, idiots.

As a hospitality worker – that shit would have driven me insane.  As a 20 year veteran in hospitality, I have had my fair share of dealing with lots of different personalities.  As a hospitality worker in the corporate world well – corporates vs toddler = same beast at times.  At  least when I am dealing with a strong personality, generally they can talk and reason with me (and I will get a tip!), toddler and toddlers parents, no reasoning there…..  So you have a café full of people.  You have orders coming at you, you have noise and you have a screaming toddler – FOR 40 MINUTES.!  How the workers didn’t lose it after 20 minutes is a testament to them – 40 Minutes (ok I am not getting my heard around that clearly!)

So kidpsot article, you asked my opinion.  Although the café owner may seem a little nuts in the interview, I think she is right.  It is well within her rights to let loose.  It’s her place of business so she is the one that will cop the consequences – good, bad, indifferent.  As the article states, the kid stopped the tantie after the yelling from the owner so really, the only damage done is to the parents bruised egos I reckon.  40 minutes – fuck me!

To be honest, I want to know if the toddler got the pancakes or not?

This kid got his pancakes!

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Girls Night Out.

May and June were big months for partying with varying results.  Some not bad…..some well………

It started in early May when we went to see Alt J.  They played at The Riverstage – an awesome outdoor venue in Bris Vegas.  There was Mr Cruisey, Mr & Mrs Silby and the
Bestie.  Now, this was the Besties first night out post baby and it was her birthday and this gig was a year in the making so we were a little (ALOT) excited.  Excited enough to plan on smuggling vodka into the gig and excited enough to hit up the Jagermeister with vodkas for warm ups…….and that ended up being a not so great decision for yours truly.  See when you’re excited, you can sometimes think you are invincible.  Jager and I started out as friends, then it decided to kick my arse and let me know who was boss.   10 000 people at a gig. 1 super drunk short person who lost her legs, needed to be carried out…..yep, that was I!  And in public….oh the shame.

And then last Saturday, another gig with Mrs Silby.  Just the two of us.  Just a couple of warm up drinks at home……..and then more. A.lot.more.drinks….  And do you think any lesson was learnt form the previous gig……………..well, at least I didn’t get carried out!

You see, this is what happens.  When the girls get to go out, it is super exciting.  I don’t care if you are 8 or 80.  If you are going out with the girls, a good time shall be had by all.  And it’s even better when you know you no longer have to shave the legs or the pits or do your nails or get a spray tan or do whatever it is that the singles do.  So there is always the warm up drinks and we justify that with ‘the price of drinks these days’ but really, it’s excitement…..and then it’s look out – we are out for a night on the town.  And we’re trying not to look at the youngins and think silly things like ‘oh dear, that’ll be mine in 3 years time’ or ‘if he brings anything like that home, she ain’t getting in the door’ or ‘man, I’m too old for this shit’……..but on we go.

And then, it hits leaving time.  You know this because you are either a) well shit faced or b) falling asleep or c) both and it seems that the only thing that hasn’t changed since the days you were going out a lot more until now, are the taxi cues.  The horrible wait at the taxi line, under the bright unforgiving, wrinkle showing light, the bloody taxi lines.

But, once home, you analyse the night, realize how super awesome it was, try on a few sexy moves, pass out, try not to toss your bikkies and wake up with an almighty mofo of a hangover, suffer all day and swear off drinking forever.


#neverdrinkingagain…….yeah, that old chestnut!

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