Cross Country. This is not a stroll in the park. It involves a few laps of the oval, up and down streets, through the school – it’s a course that wears Mr Cruisey out just looking at it! Moomoo just tries to finish the course – and good on him. Monkeyboy loves it! He came 4th in Grade 1, then 2nd the next year so of course he was stoked – only 1 kid to beat Mum! This year, a disaster struck, he came 7th – ah the world nearly ended! It wasn’t his fault though, it was the shoes fault. He wasn’t wearing his trusty Dunlops, so in turn, it was my fault – guilty by association?
Sports day. Ball games, Track, Long Jump all of that. I used to love Sports Day, well in primary school, thing’s changed a bit in high school……. Again, Moomoo – don’t care either way. He really does have fun though. This is another big day for Monkeyboy though so of course he’s amped up. Out of the car, wish them luck, have a great day, see you this arve.
I pull up at Green Zone where one takes ones life into ones hand every afternoon, Moomoo jumps in followed by a downtrodden Monkeyboy.
‘How was it boys?’
‘Good” says Moomoo
‘Monkeyboy – how’d you go?’
‘Well, I had the wrong shoes on again, I asked you to buy Dunlops Mum, so it’s your fault that I only came 5th!”
OK so at this stage, I’m done. What I say next is something that should probably never be uttered in front of the Nazi Mums ever!
- Nazi Mums: Usually found in pairs or groups at school from 2pm onwards. They wear their designer clothes, park their designer cars, get their designer toddlers out and wait for their perfect little angel to finish school. They don’t often care about noise levels outside classrooms as they need to complain to each other how packed their afternoons are ferrying their perfect little angles to every extra curricular activity they can cram in.
So I say:
‘Babe, maybe you were just not good enough.’
Yes, stunned silence! Monkeyboy was shocked, what did I mean, other kids better than me, what are you saying?
‘No Mum. It was the shoes’
‘OK mate. Maybe it was the shoes. Or maybe it was that the other kids have now caught up to you or taken over, and they were just faster than you, what do you reckon mate?’
‘No Mum, it was the shoes.’
‘OK mate. Maybe it was the shoes. Or may if you really wanted to do well, you could have practiced or something like that, or maybe, there are some kids that are better than you.
‘Well, maybe. But Mum, could you please buy me some Dunlops?’
‘Of course mate, no worries.’