50 Shades of Twilight

I hadn’t heard of this little novel until Mel and Kochie were talking about it on Sunrise.  I had no idea what they were on about and then I heard the words, ‘Mummy Porn’. I stopped what I was doing and tuned in.  Women were going nuts over this book.  Sales of soft rope were going up.  Sex shops were and are still, racking it in.  Man, I had to get me a copy of this book!

And so it began……..

From the first chapter, I was not digging this book.  I didn’t get the feel of it.  The basic scenario is boy meets girl, boy stalks girl, boy and girl fall in love and have loads of sex involving whips, ropes, butt plugs, blindfolds, a big red room of pain and every now and then they *cough* *cough* ‘make love’

Christian Grey is a super rich, successful, so good-looking you cannot look him directly in the eye for fear of having a spontaneous orgasm kinda guy.  Anastasia is a  naive 21-year-old virgin who is flowered in the most strange of ways by said super good-looking dude.  EL James is a fan of the Twilight series and the references are glaringly obvious but the way this book is written is just weird!  

It’s supposed to be an erotic novel, you know like Mills and Boon on cocaine but it really fails to deliver I reckon.  She’s pretty descriptive in her sex scenes but really, it doesn’t get the juices going!  She also talks about Kate’s inner goddess.  This inner goddess is her conscience I guess, her super horny conscience apparently, I want to punch that stupid inner goddess bitch, the inner goddess is an idiot – talking about this mysterious creature in the third person – weird man!  And then there’s the parts where Kate is talking about ‘down there’.  OK so you can talk about B & D and butt plugs but you have to say ‘down there’ when talking about her girly bits – odd to say the least.  There is a story to it but well I just skimmed books 2 and 3 as the pain of reading them was too much.  While I would love to recommend these books, I believe it would be doing a dis service so I am not going to.

Instead, you should google Fifty Shades of Grey Parodies – that I will recommend!


About itsnotjustmeright

It's Not Just Me Right? Coping with life, venting, ranting, raving, laughing and giggling along the way.
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2 Responses to 50 Shades of Twilight

  1. glenwyn says:

    i must say i agree with you, didn’t get my juices flowing at all! i was so bored with it i didn’t even read 2 and 3


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