This is a hard one.
I don’t know what happens or what comes over me, but sometimes I can’t even stand myself and wonder how these kids even like me at times. Some of the thing’s that come out of my mouth are just wrong, I know it, I hear it but they are out and the damage is done. I get frustrated and impatient and this rubs off on to both of them but especially Moomoo.
Moomoo and I had a doozy of a fight yesterday over, well it’s stupid, over feeding the cat. Everyday, Monkeyboy feeds Dame Esmerelda in the morning, and Moomoo feeds her at night. Yesterday I tried to shake things up and asked Moomoo to feed her. Well, Shut The Gate, this way not acceptable. This pretty much caused all out war between us.
There was screaming, yelling, swearing (from me, I’ll admit it – and don’t even think about judging me) and tears. Now just imagine if I walked away – wow, that would have helped right? I can put it down to hormones, frustration, morning – look all of these things combined but really, I just lose my shit and regret it.
Dawn came and picked up the boys yesterday as they are going down the coast to stay at the Hotel de Palmby and when Moomoo said good bye, he apologized for our fight in the morning, Broke-My-Heart. To think that he had been hanging on to that all day just made me feel worse. Yes he could have helped out and fed The Dame, but really, this one is on me.
I know I need to learn to not over react (Dawn, I love you, feel free to bite your toungue xx) but this Parental Gig gets you down sometimes. Kids are quite selfish little beasts however, they don’t always recognize that either. We tell the boys that to be part of this family, they need to help out which includes doing jobs around the place. Look they are very good. They do:
- Make their beds in the morning
- Clean their rooms
- Clean the play areas
- Do the dishes
- Feed the beasts
- Help out around the yard
So they are pretty good. Yes sometimes I have to ask, a lot, to do these things but generally they get them done. When I have had my hormonal melt downs (gee I would like to say not regularly but that’d be a lie), I have asked Mr Cruisey for advice. He said to me once, and before he said this he told me it was really hard for him to say it, he said that I can be harsh on the kids sometimes……. No yelling from here, just tears. I know it but to hear it from the lover, well that’s a whole new reality.
So to wrap things up, I love the boys to the moon and back and we are, I’d say anyway, we are very close. There is a lot of hugs, kisses, farts, giggles, cupcakes, playing, music, dance, boystuff in our world. There is also blues and tears but my boys also make me want to be a better person.
John Lennon – Beautiful Boy