I had to go to Ikea today. It was to pick up candles for work. If I had the option of sticking hot pokers in my eyes, it really would’ve been a tough call. See I’m not a fan of Ikea, never have been – I don’t get what the fuss is about really but they do have the cheapest candles that suit our needs so off the Ikea I go.
Just getting to Ikea is a mission. It’s situated at the arse end of Shitsville and takes a while to get to. After travelling for eternity, taking a couple of wrong turns, keeping the road rage to a minimum, I finally made it to the crazy maze car park and it’s like the Green/War Zone at school – idiots parked all over the joint – no that is not a loading zone, does it say loading zone, no it does not – move on!!! Can you see how this trip is gonna go?
Find a park, in I go. From the minute you step in there you know you’ve been stitched up. Up the escalator and into the next maze – I only need to go to the ground floor but seeing as I don’t know my way around, I gotta go the long way. Now I remind myself, this is a work mission – eyes down, don’t be distracted by all the pretty fluffy ‘oh yeah that would totally work in the lounge room’ stuff, get the candles and go. Ah if only it were that easy.
It’s school holidays – yes that’s right, school holidays. The play/day care area is full, the restaurant is full and the isles are full of tiny little people with their tiny little trollies with their tiny little flags on them that you see coming straight at you at the very last-minute! I’m following the arrows and then cut loose from the crowd and start finding some short cuts. It’s very unsettling the way it’s all set up, it’s like you’re cutting through someones lounge room!
Game face on, cutting through the lounge room, into to kitchen, onto the bedroom, wrong turn into the study, put on a load of washing in the laundry all the while looking out for the exit signs. The end is nigh, I finally find the escalators down – I’m a coming candles. My hopes are rising, only to be dashed again – what is all this pretty stuff – how can you put that there – I’m on a work mission – stop teasing!!! OK eyes on the road Rhonda, get to candles now. (the kids bedroom stuff is really cute though isn’t it – very small so it could actually be just for little people or hobbits, you decide, it’s multi functional). And then I get a whiff of scented candles – my mission is nearing completion.
Before I went, I did a check online to see if the candles were in stock. It said they were in stock and who am I to argue with the World Wide Web. I’m in the candle section – so much stuff, so easily distracted….. Eureka, found them – but wait, where is the rest of them??? This is not good, I need more than this because there aint no way I’m doing this mission again! Feeling a bit deflated, I clear out the shelves, grab some extra tea light candles and head for the register – oh wait hang on, look at those pretty flowers, oh look at that vase – oh why Ikea do you do this?? Is it because I told you that I don’t like you and you need to prove a point – stop this, stop this now, I am on a work mission – righto, eyes back on the road Rhonda, the end is nigh.
Now whenever I go shopping, doesn’t really matter where it is, I always seem to pick the slowest person ever……. but not today, oh no, the check out Goddess was on my side today and she pointed me in the right direction. I pulled up my super sized trolley, unloaded what I needed to and off I went – smile on the dial – that is right up until I got out of the giant elevator and realized that I was not where I started. Crap, where did I park – was it in G or F oh crap! Dodge the crazy lady with her car loaded up with boxes and kids, go around the dude parked in his own loading zone waiting for the wife to bring the giant trolley to the little car so they can hold up more traffic as they unload their loot. Oh thank god, there’s the magic work bus, unload, hit the road and get the hell outta there!
Well I did survive the Ikea trip – I won’t be going back anytime soon I can tell you that.
Ikea, you are full of pretty fluffy stuff, apparently you also have cheap meals and the kids can get locked away while Mum and Dad shop but for me, you are the reason that I shop online.