Wedding Speeches…..Re Post…..

Thought I might give you a little repost for the day…..Please enjoy!!

 

In real life, I’m a Wedding and Events Manager – fancy smanshy title for your Wedding Coordinator.  In my times, I have seen some crackers and some shockers.  I have heard some great speeches and I have heard some cringe worthy moments for example:

1:

ING.  SomethING, NothING, see the ING sound?  PING, DING, BLING.  More examples of ING sound.  INK – PINK, LINK, CLINK These words use the INK sound.  SomethINK is not a word.  NothINK is not a word.  ING – Put an ‘R’ in front of it and it say RING.  I can guarantee Beyonce didn’t say put a RINK on it.

2:

ewe
juː/
noun – a femail sheep
plural noun: ewes
Talking about female sheep, one would USE the word EWES.  When standing at the podium, addressing the crowd, one should not, never ever USE the word EWES.  Example:
“I would like to thanks EWES all for coming’.  I can see the confusion here as I believe that the actual word they are after is YOUSE.  I do understand the confusion here and it is so commonly USED that it even pops up in the Urban Dictionary –
YOUSE
(Australian) Of Bogan origins.
Plural of You. Referring to a more that one person. The pinnacle of ignorant grammar. Non-bogans think this term is hilarious, especially when used by a bogan or by another non-bogan imitating a bogan.

Bogans can’t spell this word, known variations are: Yous, You’s (the reason for apostrophe usage is yet to be discovered depite teams of scholars devoting their efforts)

“what’re youse guys doin’ youse wanna get some beers of somethink?”
See, I’m sure that is the word they were after.
3:
If you are the Best Man or Groomsman starting out the speech with, ‘Well I didn’t really like her when I met her but I do now’ aint gonna win you any friends and I can guarantee that when those Rumbos kick in, someone is gonna say something about that speech dude.  Look, we know you’re still living in the whole ‘Bro’s before ho’s’ thing but dude – you’re at his wedding, pretty sure he didn’t pick the Bro…. just saying.
4:
If you are the Matron of Honour or Bridesmaid  – See above!
5:
Following on from above, it is really not necessary to point out the conquests and the ‘fun times’ the Bride or Groom had.  Really, you ain’t fooling anyone by pointing this out as it really only points out your insecurities.  Common, just common.
6:
Don’t do the following:  The Drunk Speech or The ‘Wishing It Was Me’ Speech, the How many Times Can I Swear Speech – Common, just common.
7:
If you got your speech off the internet, chances are we’ve heard it before.  I know, you took so much time trolling the internet for the funny ones and although it’s on the internet, in your head no-one would have used it…….Ah, it’s the internet – really?
So from my fancy smanshy position, these are some of the crimes against Wedding speeches that I have heard, sometimes repeatedly and I am in no doubt that I will hear them again…….
And here’s a little post I did a while ago…
________________________________________________________________________________

I came across this article….

http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/i-almost-screwed-up-my-wedding/

it gave me a good giggle.  Being in the position that I am in, I see some strange things and I completely understand the position these ladies are in.  It’s weird, it’s like we women lose our ability to understand right from wrong when it comes to weddings?  What is the G-O??  I think there should be some rules.  Here is my list, I’m going to call it:

Dont Go Bat Shit Crazy – An Outsiders View on Weddings

Yes, it is the biggest day of your life, some of you have probably dreamed of this day since you were a little girl and now Mr Right has come along and the planning has started.  You’ve found the venue, discussed the menu, got your church or celebrant booked but here are some little things that you should consider:

The Dress: Look, sweetheart necklines don’t always look good – actually, I reckon it’s pretty hard to pull off – just putting it out there.  Just because most dresses are strapless, that doesn’t mean one size fits all – no no no ladies.  When looking at this style of dress in magazines, just check out the size of the models….. again, just sayin….. Tuckshop arms……. just sayin……

Shoes:  Love, if you don’t really wear heels, why wear them that day?  I know they are pretty and sparkly but at least practice in them and don’t kick them off before the reception?  It’s not a good look seeing a bride wobble down the aisle and then carry your shoes around.  And let’s be honest, no one remembers your shoes!

Make Up:  Practice Run!  If you don’t wear a lot of make up usually, don’t go all hooker like for the day cause let me tell you, this is something everyone will remember and comment about!!  If your make up artists name is Madam Misty Rosy Cheeks Delite and has a suspicious lump in her throat, you probably won’t get subtle make up – do your research!  Oh, and waterproof mascara – do I need to explain??

Hair: See Above!!!

Decorations: It starts out just a few bits and pieces here and there, then it multiplies, then it multiplies some more, then it takes on a life of its own – ladies, sometimes just a few bits and pieces are enough.  Hey I’m a fan of a bargain, trust me, but just because you can get it on the cheap, doesn’t always make it the best choice.

The Cake:  Apparently this is a big deal.  Look, we all look at the cake, we all take photos of it and I tell you what, we will remember what it tastes like – um well actually, no we won’t.  By the time the cake comes out, most of our mouths are numb from a few hours of drinking and really, if we box it up and take it home, we’re probably going to eat it hungover and it will be the best thing ever – so about the cake, don’t worry about it too much.

Piss Fart Drunk: Fine line isn’t there.  Firstly, eat that day.  Yes it’s a stressful day – although it really doesn’t need to be and if you get on it too early, chances are Piss Fart Bride is on her way.  Piss Fart Bride had her day on her Hens Day, best she keep it a distant memory on her big night – but hey, if it’s really good champagne, well all bets are off right?  You may be Piss Fart Bride but no-one really needs to know – one foot in front of the other……… Oh and heads up, back to those shoes, heels will not be your friend right now!

Bridezilla: Oh yes, that’s right, don’t become the Bridezilla!  Everyone knows it’s your day and your people are on your side and are there to help you.

So, that’s just a little advice but look, it’s your day, bloody enjoy it – dress as you want, do what you want, get a bubble machine, smoke machine and throw glitter everywhere, eat, drink and be merry because it really is all about you!

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About itsnotjustmeright

It's Not Just Me Right? Coping with life, venting, ranting, raving, laughing and giggling along the way.
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2 Responses to Wedding Speeches…..Re Post…..

  1. Oh my goodness. People actually start speaches like that? Wow. Poor you. I hope the pay is good! 😉

    Like

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