The Phantom Crapper!

Sharing toilets at work.  What do ya reckon?  It’s great hey…..

Where I am  at the moment, there is a whole set of toilets downstairs that like anyone in the building has access to.  Well not most of the normal people.  It’s for the lycra parade really.  The freaks that ride in and need to shower.  Or the gym junkies that fit in a quick workout and shower before work. And then crap……….ALL OVER THE FUCKING TOILET!

And the thing is, she does it EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!  Like bitch please, ease off on the fucken protein shakes!  Too my quinoa is clearly not good!  Remember this:

well, that’s what it’s like.  OK that’s what it seems like.  And the cleaners, oh the poor cleaners!

So in my mind, she became the phantom crapper.  The phantom crapper who could be anyone!  Then it strikes me, what if it’s someone I work with?  How can I look at them the same way knowing that the knowingly leave the toilet in such a horrific state? Oh god, then it strikes me.  What if it’s a co-worker?  How can I look at them the same way knowing that they could do something like that! Please, please don’t be a co-worker.  But then it strikes me, it can’t be a co-worker as there is other evidence that this chick is just a dirty lazy mole.  Apart from the obscene amount of crap she leaves behind in the toilet, there is also makeup all over the sink.  Not even an attempt is made to wipe it up.  Like bitch please, how is the rest of your house.

And then it happens……….one of the worst moments ever…………I walk in and there she is……The Phantom Crapper in the flesh!  Now I’m pretty sure this is the Phantom Crapper as she is putting make up on her face and all over the sink and I know that in toilet number 2, there is a horrific mess left behind.  I enter toilet number 1, better to be safe than sorry, quickly do my thing and get the fuck out of there……do not make small talk with my Phantom Crapper do not even try!  And it’s confirmed, I came face to face with The Phantom Crapper.

And you know what – She had no shame and leaves that mess for the poor cleaners to sort out!  And you know what – What if the cleaners don’t know that its The Phantom Crapper and think it’s me – How Mortifying!  Thanks very much Phantom Crapper ya dirty mole!  The cleaners are my friends!  So if you work in a big building, and share toilets, know this.  If you insist on destroying the toilet every time you go, your identity will not remain anonymous forever – Sort That Shit Out (see what I  did there!)  And do not smile at me when you see me with a cheery Good Morning because I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU LEFT BEHIND!

So that my friends, that is the joys of working in a big building and sharing toilets with some dirty, dirty, dirty moles.  And this, this is a little reminder….


About itsnotjustmeright

It's Not Just Me Right? Coping with life, venting, ranting, raving, laughing and giggling along the way.
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